IS IT TIME FOR MEN TO ADD THE SURNAME TAG?

More and more women are retaining their maiden surnames post marriage. Smita Roy explores this trend and asks whether roles can be reversed  Remember the first time Shilpa Shetty introduced herself to Shiney Ahuja as 'Mrs... Ranjeet Kapoor' in Life in a Metro, and Shiney very slyly asked her that there must also be a name between 'Mrs' and 'Ranjeet Kapoor!' Most women would say today — what's wrong in what he asked? Just because a person is married, does it mean that her persona be lost? Women often tend to get into relationships and lose themselves. Does that mean that a relationship is an abyss that sucks your identity? The dictionary defines a relationship as 'a state of connectedness between people'. But does this 'connectedness' mean that you forget your individual self ? Maybe sometimes, the fear of this change, creates commitment phobia. Actress Perizaad Zorabian who had once claimed that she was commitment phobic, now says that she was "drugged on love" when she tied the knot. But, she says it's important to maintain a person's individual identity. "I'm Perizaad Zorabian Irani and Zorabian will always be a part of my identity. I'm not going to part with it no matter how much I love my husband! I think it's okay to retain both. As time passes, with my babies and responsibilities, there are times I do feel that I'm forgetting Perizaad. But then I keep reminding myself and make sure that I don't lose my identity somewhere along the way. This unfortunately happens with a lot of women. When you give up the 'I' in a relationship, all you become is a frustrated old nag. And that is definitely one avoidable thing!" But the question remains. Why is she Perizaad Zorabian-Irani? Why is her husband not Boman Irani-Zorabian?      There are several women like Perizaad who opt to retain their individual identity along with being a part of someone else's life. But how many men we know are ready to do the same? Society may have improved with people in relationships recognising each other as individuals rather than being each other's 'property'. But the name tag still exists!      Relationship expert Dr Minnu Bhonsle says, "The name-changing tradition has been here for ages. Mostly it is for documentation purposes whether in banks, insurance or passports. Also, for the cohesiveness of the family, in the eyes of the children as well as the society, this is done. But if the woman insists on retaining her maiden name there might be some deep-rooted fears in her, which the couple need to sit together and discuss before entering matrimony. Women may have seen their mothers being submissive. While some accept that it's awoman's duty to be so, some want to rebel. Hence today we have more and more women using both their maiden as well as marital surnames. If thewoman is in the limelight then retaining her maiden name might be a professional need."      But then, can't the man do the same? According to Dr Bhonsle, a couple has to decide on everything when they tie the knot — the girl shouldn't be compelled to change her surname. "The name is just where it all starts, then moves on to graver problems and ultimately might lead to an unsuccessful marriage. Again there are some men who are submissive. However one cannot change the psyche of generations in one go."      But there are also men like actor Karan Oberoi who agree that this namegame is actually an unfair one. "You fall in love with a person because of the way they are. So why would you expect to bring a change in this person and still be in love? Isn't it wrong and hypocritical to ask your spouse to change — be it simply their last name or their habits or lifestyles, and yet in the end, not change yourself!" he says. NAME GAME: Arbaaz and Malaika Arora Khan, Ayesha Takia Azmi with hubby Farhan and Boman and Perizaad Zorabian Irani NOT FOR ME: Maria Goretti and Arshad Warsi, Shamita Bhangargi and Ashish Choudhary and Goldie Behl and Sonali Bendre