Women of the 21st Century: His mother’s voice

Be it Varun Gandhi or AR Rahman, Indian men just don't want to let go of their mothers. Nona Walia explores why

EVERY rising son has a mother behind him! In the political battlefield of Varun vs Rahul Gandhi, their mothers — Maneka and Sonia Gandhi — somewhere dominate their political thinking. It seems, Mukesh and Anil Ambani's mother — Kokilaben Ambani — has a great influence on the millionaires. Recently, at New Delhi's Nizamuddin dargah, Oscar-winner AR Rahman and his mother Kareema Begum offered prayers. His mother flew from Chennai to be with him, "She's been my guide. Even when I didn't know I would do great in music, she urged me to follow my dream. Mothers guide us, so naturally they are possessive about their sons," the maestro said.
    It seems, some of India's most powerful men still follow their mother's voice. Recently, The New York Times reported how despite westernisation, the bond between Indian mothers and sons remains stronger than ever. Right now, Rama Pilot, mother of Sachin Pilot, young Congress MP, is campaigning for her son in Ajmer, his new constituency, "I introduced him to the people when he joined politics. I tried to give him my wisdom and support. I've been a friend to my children, I don't think I ever tried to dominate or influence my son. I allowed him to make his own decisions. I became his friend when he turned 12. It was his decision to join politics and I'm glad he followed his father's footsteps. But I have to guide him along the way, how can I not? I always have some secrets to share with him, so he can face the political challenges."
    In business, Rajshree Birla is known for her vision and philanthropy, not surprising then, her son, Kumar Mangalam Birla follows her vision, his corporate core values are "commitment, passion and speed". In Bollywood, Abhishek Bachchan is known to take real life tips from mother Jaya Bachchan even now. While cricketer Yuvraj Singh confesses, "I'm a mama's boy. I just love her food. And her. I'm not embarrassed about it. She's made life seem so easy. I can't think of doing anything major in my life without her advice." His mother Shabnam Singh isn't complaining, "I have to deal with a
    lot of stuff — from
    his fans sending
    me 'I love you'
    messages to
    looking after Yuvi
him. He can marry who he falls in love with. She should be a 'homely' girl, who should be able to cope with the pressures in his life. Yuvi's link-ups with women don't bother me too much. He's good-looking and young, if he won't go out now, when will he do it? And he does his own thing, but respects me a lot."
Men and their mothers... It seems the Indian man doesn't want to let go of his Ma! And his relationship with his mother seems relatively straight-forward and simple. Mothers, it seems, simply want to 'protect' their boys from getting hurt. If the grapevine is to be believed, Maureen Wadia was reluctant to accept son Ness' relationship with Preity Zinta, hence the alleged split. But Indian men still don't want to think of their mothers as their buddies. In fact, politician Varun Gandhi has previously confessed, "My mother's not my buddy. I believe in maintaining a healthy distance between a parent and child. I really respect my mother, I've learnt a lot from her. Every morning, when I wake up, I wish she walks into my room for a chat."
Yet, the smart, modern mother isn't over-involved. She knows how to strike a balance. Says Gitanjali Prasad, author of The Great Indian Family, "There's less role-playing. Earlier, there was a specific role for a widowed mother, one within a joint family and a mother who lived away from her son. Now, mother and son look at each other as individuals and define their relationship from their experiences. Indian men are attached to their mothers out of love and admiration. After all, Indian parents really nurture their kids." Whatever our superclass of boys might think, their mothers still call the shots. Says Subhalaxmi Khan, mother of sarod players Amaan and Ayaan Ali Khan, "A mother looks ahead in life, so she can tell her boys the truth as she sees it. However, things have changed a lot. Ayaan and Amaan want to experiment with Bollywood and films, so let them do their thing. Nothing is right or wrong anymore. We can't tie down our children. We have to set them free. This is the biggest change in the motherson bond." TIMES NEWS NETWORK